Not That Girl
by Saya Moonshadow
Summary: Wishing truly does only wound the heart. He could be that boy, but she's not that girl. NujuSiahta oneshot. For Sylla Shadowfrost.


**It's probably better not to ask. All I really have to say is that I love the Nuju/Siahta pairing, and this is my tribute to it. It's so perfectly angst and fluff at the same time that I can't help it. -w-**

**Summary: Wishing truly does only wound the heart. He could be that boy, but she's not that girl. NujuSiahta oneshot.**

**Disclaimer: Y'know, funnily enough, I DON'T own **_**Bionicle**_**. Siahta and Sorayanna belong to **_**Sylla Shadowfrost**_**, a totally amazing friend of mine who needs more love. Nuju, Onewa, and Vakama belong to LEGO Enterprises. "I'm Not That Girl" belongs to **_**Wicked**_** and Idina Menzel.**

**Pairing: Nuju/Siahta, some Nuju/Sorayanna.**

**Not That Girl   
By: Saya Moonshadow   
For: Sylla Shadowfrost**

_Hands touch, eyes meet   
Sudden silence, sudden heat   
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl   
He could be that boy   
But I'm not that girl._

For years, Siahta had watched him from afar. He made her smile in ways that no one else could. He was cold sometimes, and other times, he just plain ignored her, but she still enjoyed watching him.

Her hopes were high for quite a while. Surely, he would one day reciprocate her feelings for him, and she was content to wait for that day to come as long as she needed to. One mustn't rush true love, after all. True love came of its own accord, and couldn't be slowed down or sped up in the least bit. It was something she'd learned from the storybooks she had so loved when she was younger.

But then it all came crashing down. The Matoran didn't like her; they made sure she knew it. She didn't know WHY they didn't like her, but could only assume it was because she was so young and already a Toa. She tried not to let it bother her, but it was hard.

It was hard to ignore it, so hard that she finally went looking for some comfort somewhere else. A flash of white obscured her vision for a second, and she blinked. Nuju had just walked by, and a small smile lit Siahta's face. She wanted to go to him, throw her arms around him, let him make it all better--

And she stopped. The words she was about to say died in her throat.

She saw the girl.

_Don't dream too far   
Don't lose sight of who you are   
Don't remember that rush of joy   
He could be that boy   
I'm not that girl._

As she watched, Nuju took the hand of the female beside him, looking deep into her eyes. A smile was on his face, a smile she'd never seen before. In that one second, Siahta felt something inside of her break.

Sorayanna, the Toa of Water. Beautiful and mysterious. It was no wonder Nuju liked her. Sorayanna smiled back at him, then gave a small laugh. Nuju's smile widened, and, still holding her hand, kept walking.

Siahta couldn't take it anymore, and she turned and ran, not caring how much noise she was making. She felt the tears budding in her eyes, but didn't let them fall. All the while she ran, she berated herself soundly. _Stupid! To think you actually had a chance!_ she snapped mentally. _With Sorayanna around, who would bother looking twice at you?_

She knew she wasn't perfect. The scars on her back were testament to that, as was her poor control over her telekinetic powers. She just kept running, until she was outside, finally coming to a stop on the beach of Ga-Metru. There, she sat down on the sand, picking some up in her hand and watching it run through her fingers.

There was a small "ahem" behind her, and she whirled around, sighing in relief when she saw that it was only Onewa. The Toa of Stone looked down at her, then sat down beside her, gazing out at the ocean. "You run pretty fast," he said.

Siahta looked at her feet. "OK."

"It's not a bad thing." Onewa said. "Pretty useful skill, I'd think. But you probably shouldn't run away from your problems like that. They always come back to bite you in the butt, and then everything comes rushing back."

Siahta was silent, and Onewa sighed. "Well, it was nice talking to you. Good night."

"Good night." she whispered as he got up and walked away.

_Every so often we long to steal   
To the land of what-might-have-been   
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel   
When reality sets back in._

X x X

Two days later, Nuju went missing.

Siahta didn't remember much of that time, just that it was spent in frequent panic and fear for her. She took the time to register dimly that Sorayanna was also missing, but otherwise spent her days searching for him all over the island. What if he was hurt and couldn't make his way back? She had to find him...

Even Vakama seemed to be worried. Both Nuju AND Sorayanna missing? That was serious; what if the Dark Hunters had caught them? If that were the case, though...they probably wouldn't ever be coming home.

A few weeks later, then, they were shocked to find Nuju lying on the very beach where Siahta had sat, mourning what would never be. His body was mangled; one leg broken horribly. His breathing was shallow, almost nonexistent. She felt a sharp pang upon seeing him like this, but swallowed her fear, and helped Vakama and Onewa to bring him inside and treat his wounds. His leg needed resetting.

Worse than what had happened to Nuju's body, however, was what had happened to his mind.

She sat by him, quietly thinking to herself, when he began to stir. Her eyes flew open excitedly; he was finally awake! "Nuju--" she started to say, but he cut her off, glaring at her so horribly that she flinched.

"Get away from me," he rasped hoarsely. "I don't like you. Go. Get away from me." When she froze, shocked, unable to move, his voice rose into a thunder pitch. "I SAID, GET AWAY FROM ME!" he shouted, and she turned and fled, feeling what was left of her broken heart crumbling.

"Siahta, what--" Vakama asked, just outside the door as she ran by him, but she didn't stop, just kept going. He didn't chase after her, for which she was grateful. The door to their lair slammed after her as she ran, heading... heading somewhere, so long as she was away from HIM. If she had been hurt before, that was nothing compared to the pain she felt now.

He really did hate her, didn't he?

If that was so, then she would focus all her energy into doing the same for him. Why waste her feelings on someone who hated her? It would be hard, but she was determined. Anything to make the ache in her heart stop.

That night, as she lay in her bed, she did her best to suppress all the thoughts that plagued her mind. She didn't want to dream tonight; not when she knew what it would be about. In the dream, he held her, whispering into her ear, just holding her tightly to him.

That dream had since changed. Nuju could very well be the boy from her dream, but she knew now that she could never be that girl.

_Blithe smile, lithe limb   
She who's winsome, she wins him   
Gold hair with a gentle curl   
That's the girl he chose   
And Heaven knows   
I'm not that girl._

X x X

"I hate you. I hate you so much."

"No you don't. Stop lying."

She glared at him, willing herself not to turn away. She was so through being weak. It was time to show him - and everyone else - that she was not weak. Not anymore.

"It's too bad that you're wrong this time." she sneered, taking a step back. "I hate you, and I always will."

He flinched, but she ignored it and went on. "You've never been kind to me, not once. Why should I feel anything but hate for you? And then when I nearly broke my back trying to save your life, you told me that you didn't like me and to get away from you? Forgive me for not just brushing that off."

"Siahta..."

"It's enough. I'm through hurting. You win, OK? I get it, you hate me! OK? I get it! You don't have to let me know through all your glares and stares and silences anymore! I get that you hate me, and now it's reciprocated, because I hate you too! Are you happy now?"

"No." Nuju whispered. "I'm not."

"Too bad!" Siahta shouted at him, finally losing her temper. "Nothing I do is ever good enough for you! At first, when I wanted to be your friend, it didn't make you happy, and now that I DON'T want to be your friend, you're STILL not happy!" She sighed, turning away from him. No, she would NOT cry...she was through being weak, remember? "I give up." she whispered. "I've had enough."

"Siahta..." He placed a hand on her shoulder, and she flinched horribly, making him wince. Would he try to hit her again? He'd done it once before, who was to say he wouldn't again? She was ashamed to admit that she was afraid it would happen again.

"Siahta, look at me."

When she didn't, he cupped her cheek in his hand and forcibly turned her head so that she had to. She quickly closed her eyes. Just one more defiance. Ignore the way her heart was pounding. It didn't matter anymore. She couldn't dwell on something that would never be. It was unhealthy.

"Open your eyes." After a second of hesitation, she did, and was shocked to see him so close to her, his blue eyes nearly obscuring her vision. A bright red blush spread over her mask, and she tried to step back, but her grabbed her by the arms in a surprisingly strong grasp, not letting her move.

"Let me go," she snarled, but Nuju shook his head. Siahta glared at him, but the look on his face was so sad that the glare soon faded away. "What do you want?" she asked. "Don't you get it? You hate me, I hate you, we're both happy. Right?"

"I'm not happy." Nuju said. "How can I be, when you hate me?"

"You hated me first. I'm just--"

"I never hated you." he interrupted her, and she shut up, shocked. He sighed, but went on. "I never hated you," he repeated. "Truth be told, I never really had any negative emotion toward you."

"Then why did you tell me you did?" she whispered, feeling tears budding in her eyes now.

"I...I don't know..." he admitted. "I was just scared...I was afraid someone was going to hurt me again...so I lashed out...you don't know what it's like, Siahta, to be completely at the mercy of someone who HAS no mercy. To be beaten and starved by someone you thought you cared about...I just couldn't handle it anymore."

Without another word, he drew her into his arms, ignoring the way she stiffened apprehensively. "I didn't mean to."

Which was as close to an apology that he was capable of, she knew. After a moment of hesitation, she (awkwardly at first) wrapped her arms around him.

They were still in that position when the sun rose the next morning.

She still couldn't quite see herself as the girl from her dream, but the rough outline she COULD see was shaped an awful lot like her.

_Don't wish, don't start   
Wishing only wounds the heart  
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl   
There's a girl I know   
He loves her so   
I'm not that girl._

X x X

**END.**

X x X

**AN: As stated before, that was for **_**Sylla Shadowfrost**_**, who just finished her story **_**Twisted Timing**_**. The last Nuju/Siahta scene in it made me smile, so this is for her! Now all they have to do is make babies XD But I'd recommend reading **_**Twisted Timing**_**, it is actually a very good story.**

**Review, please!**


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